I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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