Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
