sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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