Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need moral support for this bender
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
