Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
