You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize