Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
