Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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