Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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