Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
