I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
