Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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