He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
