obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
