i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
