Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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