oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
