If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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