No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
