if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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