what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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