Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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