Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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