am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize