took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize