the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
