I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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