So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
