Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
