I think I won the penis lottery.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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