Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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