the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
