I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
