I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
