Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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