fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
