It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
