you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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