I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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