I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
