I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
