ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
