So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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