you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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