What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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