$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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