God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
