And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
