I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
