It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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