He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize