she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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