I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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