How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
