Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
