I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
