New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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