It's just like the Real World with babies
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
